The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else.
Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
Can you Relate?
At times, do you find yourself wondering what the key ingredients are in a successful relationship? Or if your relationship feels as though it is on shaky ground, do you find yourself struggling to understand what to do to make a positive difference? You are not alone, and Dr. John Gottman's extensive research at his infamous "love lab" may provide the insight into your relationship you're looking for.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work aligns with the Connection area of focus and category of the Evimero Couples Framework. It will provide you industry-leading research on what creates a healthy connection with your partner.
Tools for Growth
Dr. Gottman kicks the book off with a chapter dedicated to the components of happy marriages…the stuff you expect, and maybe a few surprises. He states, “the determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all.” Friendship, so what does building a friendship as the foundation look like?
Prior to reading this book I was certain that my past relationships had ended largely as a result of our inability to resolve conflict. But that wasn’t necessarily true. Instead, it was as a result of all of the moments in between. The ones that may have seemed insignificant in the moment. It was, after all, the little things that had the biggest impact. Understanding, appreciating and strengthening those are the focus of this book.
The heart and soul of this book is the seven principles - one chapter per principle. The framework for each principle is as follows: general information about the principle and why it is important, tools to gain an understanding of the current status of this principle in your relationship, and tools to apply the principle so you can grow together.
For example, Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps - the author provides the “what” and the “why” of the concept of a “love map” - what is it and why is it important in a relationship? Then there is a “Love Maps Questionnaire.” This allows you and your partner to get a sense of the quality of your current love maps. Finally there are three exercises designed to help you get to know one another on a deeper level and improve the quality of your love maps going forward. It’s all about understanding the current state of affairs, creating a vision for where you want to go, and then growing together from there.
Each chapter has multiple questionnaires and exercises. Some are meant to be completed individually and then you compare and discuss answers. Some are completed together. Our thoughts…this is a SUPER comprehensive resource. I love the format and the variety of exercises…no two are the same, and all are super insightful. Additional examples include:
The “Finding Common Ground” Exercise
The Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire
The “Emotional Bank Account” Exercise
The Shared Meaning Questionnaire
Worth your Time?
I would be curious to know the percentage of couples who stumble upon this book because their relationship is in distress. If that’s you, this book is an incredible resource to help you revive your relationship. With that said, I don’t feel that’s the only category of couples who can benefit from this book. Maybe your relationship is strong, and you are looking for ways to maintain the good thing you and your partner have created. Or maybe you are looking for ways to deepen your understanding of and connection with your partner. If that's intriguing, this is an insightful and practical resource for you.