His Needs Her Needs
For over twenty-five years, His Needs, Her Needs has been transforming marriages all over the world. In this life-changing book Willard Harley, Jr. and his wife, Joyce, explain the important concept of the Love Bank, and teach couples to meet each other's emotional needs for affection, sex, intimate conversation, companionship, family commitment, physical attractiveness, honesty and openness, and admiration. As couples walk through this book together they will remember why they fell in love in the first place, renew their commitment to their relationship, and rediscover their passion.
Can you Relate?
Have you ever felt frustrated because it seems like your partner, in some way, isn't meeting your needs? Or maybe because you feel uncertain as to how you could better meet your partner's needs? If you've been in a relationship longer than a hot second, you can most likely relate. Often couples experience conflict because they have different, and sometimes opposing needs. It isn't a sign of anything other than the fact that you, and your partner, are human. So once you experience this in a relationship, what do you do? Dr. Willard Harley, author of His Needs Her Needs, is committed to answering that question for his readers.
His Needs, Her Needs aligns with the Connection level of the Evimero Couples Framework, specifically focusing on the category of needs. It will help you understand your relationship needs and how to bring them to your partner in a healthy, productive way.
Tools for Growth
As humans we all have needs. Through the author’s work as a counselor he has identified 10 core needs in relationships. With good intentions, we tend to try to meet the needs we value, but those aren’t always the needs of our partner. As a result we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs. Through his work Dr. Harley has discovered that typically there are five primary needs for men and five for women. In this book you'll find one chapter devoted to each need. The author explains the need, addresses common points of misunderstanding or conflict, and provides recommendations for meeting this need for your partner.
So how do you apply the contents of this book to your relationship? At the end of the book the author includes an emotional needs questionnaire. Dr. Harley recommends utilizing the questionnaire in the following way: First, independently complete the questionnaire and review your results. It is important to start with an understanding of your needs. Second, as a couple discuss each person's results and use the book as a guide to dig into each person’s needs - the foundation, the misconceptions, the challenges each person may feel, and ultimately ideas for how to better meet this need for your partner.
Some couples find it uncomfortable to discuss their needs. Maybe one or both don't understand their own needs, or feel shame or guilt around their needs. Maybe one or both don’t understand their partner’s needs. Or maybe one or both know this is a vitally important conversation but simply have no idea where to begin. We have found that the framework provided - complete the questionnaire, review and discuss results, and dig in to each need one at a time - creates the space for greater understanding first of yourself, and then of your partner. It creates the space for open and honest communication. And it effectively supports you and your partner on the journey of strengthening your connection.
Worth your Time?
We think this book is valuable if you can relate to one of the following: 1 - You don’t understand your own needs (that was me…just want to make sure you know you’re not alone); 2 - You find it’s difficult to understand your partner's needs, why they are important to them, or how to fulfill them, 3 - There is conflict in your relationship and a common complaint is that needs are not being met. 4 - Your relationship isn't at the point of conflict, but you are looking for ways to strengthen your connection. Maybe you want to explore effective ways to build your love banks, or you're looking for a framework to help you better understand, discuss and meet one another's needs. If any of these resonate with you this book will be a valuable resource. It will support you on your path toward deeper connection, and a healthy, thriving relationship.