The Evimero Couples Framework
Your roadmap to a healthy relationship
Evimero Couples Framework
We don’t need to tell you that relationships are complex. Once you move past the Honeymoon Phase, the cycle of conflict begins. You need specific skills to manage that conflict in a healthy, productive way. If you don’t have these skills, you develop unhealthy patterns that can make your relationship unstable over time. Some couples just sit in that instability and hope things will improve. Others become intentional about growing themselves and their relationship. If the latter resonates with you, the question becomes, where do we begin?
For that reason, we created the Evimero Couples Framework. Our roadmap to help you and your partner embrace a growth mindset, develop growth-minded skills, and apply those skills to your relationship. Engaging in these steps allows couples to create a healthy relationship.
The Phases of a Growth Mindset
The chevrons at the bottom of the Framework represent the path to developing a growth mindset. A growth mindset instills in you the belief that you can develop your most basic abilities with dedication and hard work. Applying that to your relationship, you believe you can grow individually and as a couple, to create the relationship you desire.
Because you are at evimerocouples.com, you may be past this stage. But you can think back to what this was like – ruled by fear and regularly blaming others for the things that aren’t working in your life. You feel like you don’t have the power to change your circumstances. Maybe you have heard of personal growth, but that was for someone else, “those people,” someone who needed it…and that isn’t you. Or maybe you were turned off by the idea of personal growth because it was the “other person” who had the problem, not you. If only they had changed, everything would be better.
You reach a breaking point. The discomfort of your current situation awakens you to search for something different. You begin recognizing that your experiences aren’t random and start looking for answers. You start to realize the other person may not be entirely at fault. You see your denial for what it is – a coping mechanism to protect yourself. As you begin to have grace for yourself, you recognize change is imminent. Although uncertain of where to start and the outcome, you begin taking steps down the path of personal growth.
In this stage, you recognize who you are and are not. You acknowledge that you can only control how you respond when life happens. You are present in what is within and in front of you. If you didn’t start down the path of personal growth in the previous stage, you begin to do so here. While messy and uncomfortable, you see how self-work can impact your well-being. You also recognize that a thriving relationship requires a growth mindset and new skills. You embrace this new way of showing up as healthy and critical to your well-being.
In this stage, you are confident that growth is a choice, not an accident. It is a path you choose to walk down, and while it may not always be “easy,” it is always worthwhile. When continuously choosing this path, you have the power to make a difference in your life and the lives of others. You no longer see your faults as things that define you. Instead, as opportunities to learn about yourself. To be more authentically and uniquely you. To become something different. Something that ignites growth from within and sparks a healthy relationship.
Relationship Areas of Focus
The triangle at the top of the Framework represents four focus areas for growth, the key to a healthy relationship. You often return to the previous levels for refinement as you move toward the top. A clear understanding of where you want to focus your growth efforts reduces frustration and helps create the relationship you desire.
At the first level of the relationship journey, you look within, at your core. This is your foundation. It’s where you hold your sense of self, which can be positive or negative. It is the home of your core issues. These are often unconscious and result in negative beliefs about who you are, which results in feeling unloved, unwanted, and inadequate. These feelings create recurring thoughts, such as “I am unlovable,” “I am a failure,” etc. You believe these things to be true, and they drive your emotions and behaviors. This cycle compromises your ability to develop a deep connection with your partner. Addressing your core issues is the foundation of personal growth and the birthplace of healthy relationships. We encourage you to circle back to this level to strengthen your foundation occasionally.
Resources labeled “Core” address one or more of the core issues.
The second level of the relationship journey focuses on your connection with your partner. Healthy couples have solid and deep connections. You feel safe and secure in your relationship through all seasons of life. Healthy couples reach for one another in times of challenges instead of withdrawing. They don’t see their partner as the problem but as a source of healing. Signs of a healthy connection include the quality of communication, ability to resolve conflict, level of trust and respect, quality of intimacy, and frequency of sex. Creating a solid, healthy connection is the foundation of a thriving relationship. This connection is developed intentionally and over time. Healthy couples focus on this level to keep the foundation of their relationship strong.
Resources labeled “Connection” support your ability to deepen your connection.
Your relationship is an entity that fits into the larger context of your life. This includes your marital status, living arrangement, children, step-children, in-laws, work, finances, friends, and so on. Couples often think these contextual areas are the leading cause of conflict in their relationship. Yet the stronger your core and connection as a couple, the easier it is to navigate these areas. That is why we recommend revisiting those two areas as needed. When you focus on building a healthy core and connection, you can better recognize that the contextual areas of your life are not “the” cause of suffering. Instead, they are areas you can successfully navigate together. Healthy couples consistently work together to identify and address the contextual issues unique to their relationship.
Resources labeled “Context” support your ability to work together to address one or more of the external factors impacting their relationship.
Your relationship is thriving – vulnerable, connected, and passionate. You have learned to revisit the framework’s first three levels as needed. As a result, your core is healthy, your connection is strong, and you effectively address the contextual areas of your life. You can now focus your energy in the direction you choose. You realize there may be nothing more rewarding than channeling that energy to create something bigger together. At this stage, you define and fulfill your life’s purpose. Do you want to start a business or foundation, give back to your community, or travel halfway around the world to build an orphanage? What is your shared vision? As a couple, what difference can you make in the world? Living out your purpose together is the ultimate expression of your relationship and your focus at the top level of the Evimero Couples framework.
Resources labeled “Purpose” help you and your partner live out your life’s purpose.
Throughout our website, we leverage the Evimero Couples Framework to guide your understanding of how certain assets align back to the Framework.
Resources in the Thrive Catalog, Workshops we offer, and other content such as key articles will be marked with some visual aspect of the Framework. This will help you easily identify if that asset is relevant to your relationship journey.
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